At some point in our lives, as most women do, we get involved in relationships that are  rather unhealthy. If you’re anything like me I tend to prefer my men unemployed, homeless, and apparently commitment-phobic.

I got over a man I loved,

by falling in love with a man

that didn’t love me back.

Then to get over him,

I started loving myself.

Fauxlationships – a temporary relationship that lacks commitment

As most fauxlationships begin, it is at the end of a serious relationships. There’s always a man whore lurking in the bushes ready to ease your pain with his penis and break your heart all over again. These man whores are not easily identifiable because they disguise themselves in the form of “the man of your dreams“.

In my most recent fauxlationship, (Yes there was more than one. And no I didn’t  quite learn my lesson the first time) I was with a starving artist who was intent on sharing himself with the world. After the night we met, our friendship consisted of random meetups and numerous facetime interactions. It wasn’t until after we became physical, his true fuckboy side surfaced.

You can’t spell disappointment without “men”

What followed was three years of on and off ambiguous sexual encounters. I convinced myself that we could be something more because we had such an intense connection. You know it’s real when ya’ll play taboo and beat all the other couples. Whenever he text me, I responded. When he facetime’d me at 4 am to talk, i’d turn my light on take my hair down like I was awake the whole time. He’d send me one of his songs and I would evolve into this super insightful lover of all things musical. I was basically the Kanye West to his Beyonce.

Subconsciously, I was competing with every women in his life proving to him I was more valuable. Special. Better.

Not surprisingly we lost the momentum from our initial friendship. Things became extremely one sided. Dates were something we never did unless you count meeting up at bars and getting wasted together which I’m sure you don’t. Our encounters even began to dwindle and we only communicated when I reached out.At some point I had to be honest with myself about the situation so I became very detached. I thought that it would give me a sense of power and control.

All the previous power I felt I had would dwindle away once I heard those 3 magical words… “I miss you”. Then i’d be right back on the futon in his mother’s basement pretending my back didn’t need realignment the next day. I became attached to a person that cared so little about my feelings. As women we tend to build relationships in our heads believing the situation to be more than what it is. Part of it is contributed from us being emotional beings and the other part was also his need for affection.

One day women will realize affection from a man doesn’t equate emotion

Needless to say I survived this situation with my pride and self respect in tact. I started to take the situation for what it was at face value and not what I mistook it all to mean. I realized I had to say goodbye to this fauxlationship because my younger smarter self would probably judge me and call me a weak ass bitch. So as with most people I love and care about I blocked him so that I can gain a sense of clarity.

If the situation doesn’t make you happy LEAVE. It’s not love its just comfort mixed with fear. Stop second guessing yourself and do what you know you should.

Be where your energy is reciprocated!


  1. Sabrina Swaby

    So insightful! Definitely respect you being transparent and open!!!! Love this! Continue to these posts! I will definitely support! PROUD OF YOU NALITA! Love you girl!


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